'B' Team Terrorism
Dear marginally loyal readers, I have but a solitary thought for your consideration so treat it as though it were a warm fur wrapped about the dura mater so as to allow all of your lobes to work in unison toward the resolution of the following quandary.
While patiently and attentively observing the news and all of the ugliness that usually pervades our media outlets I took note of the recent woolly happenings with our Anglophone brothers across the pond. As a natural recourse the new PM elevated the terror threat to an alarming 'critical'.
Side Note: Again, the Limeys have established a terror threat matrix that incites an associative response from their denizens. This is contrasted starkly to our own collage of failed Gatorade flavors that suffice to do little more than incite the insufferable the wrath of my meek and insignificant musings.
Be that as it may, I'm rather confident that we have little to fear. Obviously the story centers on a couple of 'B' Team floozies careening an SUV soaked in gasoline (I know, even the IRA could locate some plastique) into a Scottish Airport. While it's obvious these amateur jihadists were long on an overdeveloped hypothalamus gland -I can't imagine any other justification for such a hard-on for something, anything- and awful short on Semtex or Primasheet, the true story is behind the headlines.
The example I bring you -and the axis on which this meandering argument centers on- is why on earth would any self respecting terrorist cell use a fucking Jeep Cherokee in lieu of the 200 Diesel Mercedes?
An image of turban-clad holy warriors in an anonymous mountain redoubt shamefully shaking their heads, casting disapproving glances amongst each other whilst praying feverishly to Allah that the aforementioned terror network doesn't use their particular jihad brigade as a point of reference tonight on Sky News. How embarrassing that would be. How déclassé.
No, these fumbling morons are clearly not a particularly well financed group. As discussed well over a year ago, and so eruditely pointed out by one Cory Null, if you're going to kidnap Anwar al-Sadat's children, abduct a Western journalist, or pull off a car bombing (hello?) then you'd better give more serious thought to the 200D Mercedes.
Lastly, I'm throwing this on the old Towing the Company Line Blog because, well, I miss it and I figure I can press some of you back into literary service for the purpose of keeping me wildly entertained. More specifically, I'm calling out Null, Serazio, Valcke, Plumb, Ramey, Anderson, and Miller...
While patiently and attentively observing the news and all of the ugliness that usually pervades our media outlets I took note of the recent woolly happenings with our Anglophone brothers across the pond. As a natural recourse the new PM elevated the terror threat to an alarming 'critical'.
Side Note: Again, the Limeys have established a terror threat matrix that incites an associative response from their denizens. This is contrasted starkly to our own collage of failed Gatorade flavors that suffice to do little more than incite the insufferable the wrath of my meek and insignificant musings.
Be that as it may, I'm rather confident that we have little to fear. Obviously the story centers on a couple of 'B' Team floozies careening an SUV soaked in gasoline (I know, even the IRA could locate some plastique) into a Scottish Airport. While it's obvious these amateur jihadists were long on an overdeveloped hypothalamus gland -I can't imagine any other justification for such a hard-on for something, anything- and awful short on Semtex or Primasheet, the true story is behind the headlines.
The example I bring you -and the axis on which this meandering argument centers on- is why on earth would any self respecting terrorist cell use a fucking Jeep Cherokee in lieu of the 200 Diesel Mercedes?
An image of turban-clad holy warriors in an anonymous mountain redoubt shamefully shaking their heads, casting disapproving glances amongst each other whilst praying feverishly to Allah that the aforementioned terror network doesn't use their particular jihad brigade as a point of reference tonight on Sky News. How embarrassing that would be. How déclassé.
No, these fumbling morons are clearly not a particularly well financed group. As discussed well over a year ago, and so eruditely pointed out by one Cory Null, if you're going to kidnap Anwar al-Sadat's children, abduct a Western journalist, or pull off a car bombing (hello?) then you'd better give more serious thought to the 200D Mercedes.
Lastly, I'm throwing this on the old Towing the Company Line Blog because, well, I miss it and I figure I can press some of you back into literary service for the purpose of keeping me wildly entertained. More specifically, I'm calling out Null, Serazio, Valcke, Plumb, Ramey, Anderson, and Miller...
posted by Aden at 10:45 AM
6 Comments:
We don't use Hyundais to patrol Baghdad...
So why the hell would you use a Jeep to try and blow up an airport? Seriously terrorists, if you want to get with it, do some fucking homework: http://home.tiscalinet.de/erich/autos/220d.jpg
That vehicle better be a Mercedes from the 1970's, any model between 200 and 250, and preferably be diesel (more metal parts for shrapnel). These Benz's provide ample comfort, the car blends in to the scenery, and its got plenty of space in the engine compartment for explosives, plus a huge trunk (I will refrain from a Rafik Hariri joke at this point).
These cars are world-renowned for their reliability, and their creepy presence in many 1970's and 1980's photos from terrorism scenes. Pinochet had a fleet of these, Mobutu Sese Seko used to surprise his victims by giving him one of these fine automobiles, and Ceausescu used one to try and escape during the riots of Bucharest.
So terrorists, please heed history and quit embarrassing yourselves by choosing the wrong cars...
As i sit here, two parts drunk, one from the beer and the other from the unforgiving VA sun, I realize one thing...Aden, you sir are exactly correct, in your unkempt, slightly realized, mostly inept way...you are right on point. I cannot hope but come to the realization that the quagmire that has been my existence up to this point is all but pointless, and thereby revel in the fact that i have found not only my point of light, my muse, but alas, my god. And my god if you weren't johnny on the spot with your meandering musings on the mistaken martyrdoms of our Muslim brethren. Now, my only response, nee query, to this diatribe of onerous proportions can be, when will they finally come out with a new gatorade flavor that does not suck...please answer me that?
yo, speaking of Mobutu, this is awesome (in a completely fucked up way, but i think null will dig especially):
just read in a vanity fair article that when Mobutu first came to power he called himself and demanded to be called
"Mobutu the All-Powerful Warrior Who Because of His Endurance and Inflexible Will to Win Will Go from Conquest to Conquest Leaving Fire in His Wake"
Can I get that on a business card of some sort?
-serazio
Mobutu was riffing off of Idi Amin, my man. His official title was "His Excellency President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, CBE."
And if you haven't seen "Last King of Scotland" yet, well, you can cross your name off the list of African Dictator Afficionados...
Null, I think any accrued knowledge of African dictators would pale in comparison to yours. On that note, however, does 'Mad' Mike Hoar qualify as a dictator or one who failed in his dictatorial aspirations?
An interesting idea, but I don't know if I can call Hoare a dictator. He was a mercenary, a soldier of fortune who's causes was driven by the almighty dollar, but I never really picked up any sort of devotion to actually taking over an entire country and running it into the ground. All together though, he didn't do bad for a dude born in Ireland...
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