One Less Egg to Fry

As some of you may or may not know, I have been sent to Phoenix for 6 weeks to deliver babies at the county hospital up here. All the confined mothers up here are illegal Mexican immigrants and speak as little English as I do Spanish. This is not a problem as "I'm going to stick my hand all the way up you!" is universally understood in any tongue. I don't know how many of you have ever taken part in a spontaneous vaginal delivery before but let me tell you now: I am never going to have anything but oral or perhaps anal sex from this day (to the chagrin of the sisters Ramey). My ability to become intimate with the human vagina has been lost forever. I have delivered 5 babies over the weekend so far and I can only describe it as catching a triple helping of Mama Serazio's eggplant parmesan from a woman's vagina with extra . . . sauce. The most difficult part about the whole thing is holding on to the slippery little brat while you tuck it into your arm like a football. I still haven't figured out how to deliver the placenta without getting a hot spray of fermented womb blood 'n' mucus in my face or on my shoes. Jesus Christ.

Dave